help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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