she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...