I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.