I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...