You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.