loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.