dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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