She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
