so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
