Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
