How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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