I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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