don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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