Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
