just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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