you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
