You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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