u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
