seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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