Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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