I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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