I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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