I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
