as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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