Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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