he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
