I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
