After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
