ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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