ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
