I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
