I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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