ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
