I just saw a hot homeless man
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
