in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
