dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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