Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
