im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize