Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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