woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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