Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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