I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
