we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
