Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
