How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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