hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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