It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
