Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?