I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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