Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i dont even know how to be here
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
