Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS