Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
