Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
