My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
