How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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