Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
