Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
