DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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