I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
