I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
