Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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