yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
