If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
